How Can Infertility Affect Our Relationships With Others?
In addition to affecting one’s self-esteem, infertility can also affect one’s relationships with others, including partners, family members, friends, and co-workers.
Isolation to Protect your Heart
Whether you are at the early stages of trying to conceive or have been battling with infertility for years, you likely understand how isolating and stressful it can be at times. And, as much as others want to support you, they cannot truly understand your unique experience and often say or do hurtful things unintentionally. Thus, it’s sometimes easier to avoid talking with others to avoid these hurtful actions and statements. Though this is a way to protect your heart, it can also further isolate you and lead to depression.
What can you do about this?
Talking with a professional therapist may help you to process your emotions and release some of your stress.
If someone says or does something hurtful, you can try to calmly explain to them why their action or comment is unnecessary and harmful.
Find a support group online so you can talk with others in similar situations to feel less isolated.
If you attend an event and something happens that causes you emotional pain, calmly leave and find a safe space to process your emotions.
Setting Boundaries
There is a difference between isolating yourself and setting boundaries. Setting boundaries, such as not attending a baby shower or holiday event with children, is a healthy way to protect your emotions. These events can be triggering and exacerbate the emotions that you are already experiencing. It can be difficult to skip these events, especially when there is pressure to attend them, but it prevents you from entering an unsafe emotional environment that can have lasting effects on your mental health.
Keep in mind that your emotions and boundaries may change from day to day, and that’s okay.
What if they want to know why I can’t make it?
If you are choosing to not tell others about your struggles, calmly offer an alternative reason for not attending an event.
If you do choose to tell them, simply state that attending the event might cause unnecessary emotional pain. Often, people do not realize that their events may be difficult for others, but are supportive once they understand this.
RSVP as a maybe and decide how you are feeling on the day of the event. If you feel up to attending, have a plan in place to leave if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable.
If you do choose to attend an event, try to find a person or group that you feel safe with, such as a group of friends who are aware and supportive of your struggles. Try to avoid people who might make inappropriate comments, ask insensitive questions, or give unsolicited advice. And, of course, have an exit plan in place in case you feel the need to leave. Do not force yourself to stay in any environment that makes you uncomfortable.
Dealing with Triggers
Triggers are actions that cause someone an intense amount of emotional pain. A common example in the infertility community are pregnancy announcements, which are unfortunately inevitable thanks to social media. Triggering events can be traumatic and cause feelings of sadness, anger, jealousy, and depression. Talking with someone about these emotions can help prevent them from building up. If you are pregnant and know someone who is struggling with infertility, it’s recommended that you text this person before posting a pregnancy announcement to give them time to process the information on their own.
