How Can Infertility Affect Self-Esteem?
The WHO defines infertility as “a disease of the male or female reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse” (source). This is a fairly technical definition that does not consider the emotional impact that infertility has on one’s self-esteem. Further, it does not consider the impact of the 1 in 6 people worldwide that experience 12 or more months of negative pregnancy tests leading to a diagnosis of infertility.
Whether you are trying to conceive or have struggled with infertility in the past, you have likely experienced some or all of the emotions that are often associated with infertility, such as:
Anxiety (“when will I get pregnant?”)
Anger (“other people get pregnant without even trying, so why can’t I get pregnant when I’ve been trying for months?”)
Jealousy (“she has already had 2 kids and she’s younger than me.”)
Grief (“I don’t get to experience the joy of a positive pregnancy test anymore.”)
Hopelessness (“I can’t get pregnant no matter what I do.”)
Stress (“I’ve tried everything and I still can’t get pregnant”)
Sadness (“all I want is to have a baby of my own”)
Guilt (“it’s my fault that we can’t get pregnant because I’m not ovulating”)
Blame (“maybe if he didn’t want to wait so long to start trying, we would have an easier time getting pregnant”)
Fear (“I’ll never be able to have children of my own.”)
And so many other emotions
Infertility and failed attempts to conceive are traumatic, and these struggles can sometimes last for years. As months of failed pregnancy tests and fertility treatments pass, people may begin to feel hopeless and desperate. They may start to question their worth (“who am I if I can’t be a mother or father to a child?”) and isolate themselves from others (“I feel depressed and don’t want to depress others.”). Further, women who undergo fertility treatment often take a lot of medications, which can cause weight gain, mood swings, and bruising (from injections). But men also experience these emotions, especially when there is a diagnosis of male infertility.
It’s important to know that these feelings are valid, but they can have lasting impacts on one’s self-esteem. It is recommended that you speak with a professional therapist to process the many emotions that accompany infertility (or the inability to conceive prior to 12 months of trying). It’s also important to find a support system, whether it is your partner, family, friends, or an online support group, to feel less isolated and talk through your emotions.
